Lonely hearts

...by Wendy Cope. Too hung over to blog today. Ow.

Lonely Hearts
Wendy Cope

Can someone make my simple wish come true?
Male biker seeks female for touring fun.
Do you live in North London? Is it you?

Gay vegetarian whose friends are few,
I'm into music, Shakespeare and the sun.
Can someone make my simple wish come true?

Executive in search of something new -
Perhaps bisexual woman, arty, young.
Do you live in North London? Is it you?

Successful, straight and solvent? I an too -
Attractive Jewish lady with a son.
Can someone make my simple wish come true?

I'm Libran, inexperienced and blue -
Need slim non-smoker, under twenty-one.
Do you live in North London? Is it you?

Please write (with photo) to Box 152
Who knows where it may lead once we've begun?
Can someone make my simple wish come true?
Do you live in North London? Is it you?

Wendy Cope

You better work!

Man am I bored with working!

I have a huge job on, and I have to use this company's proprietary software to do it. Which isn't so bad, but it is a little bit more taxing on the grey matter and I am just a bit knackered really.

Me and Ulla watched "Some Like It Hot" last night. I'd never seen it! It was like, the most gay-tastic film ever! What a riot.

I am a bit perturbed today. It's my own fault in a way. I was really hung up on a guy last year for the whole time I was in Sweden, basically. It turned out (this was spooky) that I went to nursery school (!) with him (there were only 14 people in the class apparently). Anyway, he had sent me a random message on my fave website Thingbox last year just saying "You're from the same place as me" and then it turned out we knew each other when we were 3!

So we met up last summer, and I sort of completely melted and was dead happy I still could. But he didn't feel the same way about me, and I went off v v sad with my tail between my legs.

Stupidly, last night I thought it might be fun to see if his blog was still online. And lo and behold it was, and he is now happily in a couple with someone. It just really fucque'd me off actually.

Like, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Do I have "Please, don't go out with me, I'm a freak and I'll make your life miserable!" written in some form of invisible ink on my soul?

Self-pity. I know. It just annoyed me because he really helped me open up, and then of course it was a non-starter. Like, NOT FAIR yeah?

Oh blah. I'm just pissed off because I have to work so hard, I think. At least I have Svenska Favoriter and a wealth of schlager to keep me company.

Yay! Sort of.

Flying the Flag (for Sweden)

Hej girls, hej boys, hej superstar deejays-here we go!

Right, it is Saturday afternoon and I should be doing work (story of my life) but am just too excited what with the impending camp-fest that is Eurovision... in a matter of hours!

This will be my first Eurovision in Sweden. We are celebrating in a suitably sedate Swedish way... Ulla's daughter Elsa and her bf Peter are coming, and Albert, her eldest son is coming round. She has made a special Ulla Cheesecake (best in the world!) and though she has been a crabbit old ho today, I'm sure this will change, and her sunny disposition will again be on display...

So, what's new? Well, have been working loads and loads. Not v interesting, but it's been taking up a lot of time, and I've been hearing Ka-Ching a lot.

Watched the Eurovision semis on Thurs, GUTTED that Denmark didn't qualify. It's an Eastern bloc extravaganza nowadays. But it's still Eurovision, and just how miserable would I be if it weren't there at all? Clue: v.

I mean, Bucks Fizz was my first ever concert at the Edinburgh Playhouse on the 15th Aug 1982. My life would never be the same again. I remember my Mum commenting to a friend that Jay Aston was "hard as nails - not a nice woman". Funny that.

So what else. Erm...

Ooh yes. Went out to Torget (super Stockholm gay bar with chandeliers) for 1st time since coming back, with Lisa from Liverpool. Lisa is doing a post-doc at the Karolinksainstitutet here, though she's not so v happy and we'll see where she goes next...

So we got thoroughly sozzled on pear cider and then I dragged her round to Connections, fierce gay club. It was nice not to be there on my own for a change! She got a bit sick of dancing to schalger (what's WRONG with her?) and so beat a hasty retreat. Upon which, to my great surprise, some guy started totally checking me out on the dancefloor. I couldn't see v much what with the strobe lights and being pissed, but it looked like he was dancing with his lady friend. When the lady friend went off to get drinks, man started to seriously eye me, and then came over and OOPS! there we were locked in a tongue sandwich. I was thinking 'Less tongue, more mouth pls' but that is just me, maybe.

Anyhow, it was q fun. Esp since Ulla had just got me to stand on her scales which declared my body contained 42% fat!!!! Like, I am fatter than creme fucking fraiche! I was not pleased. I think the scales they do lie. Me, a fatty? Come now...

So after vague snog, the guy's lady friend came back with drinks. Except it wasn't a ladyfriend but in fact a boyfriend. I hadn't seen he had a beard b4 (damn strobe lights! damn pear cider!)

Things looked hairy for a sec. I thought 'oh fucque this'. So I made like I was going to the bar and then just left. Had a lovely sausage in a bap on the way home (not a euphemism, can I just say?) and it was probably 42% fat as well. Hurrah.

Came home, Ulla woke up, we ended up blethering on the bed for 2 hours and eating chocolate digestives. Was v g.

Went to meet her at Kaffebar at 12. Ulla is in dismay about Turkey maybe winning Eurovision. Like, dismay, yeah? I had to use every ruse to shake that bad boy depression off her face.

Looking up always helps, according to hypnotherapy...

So anyway. I'd best get on, eh? Quite fancy going to Lino after Eurov tonight, but may be too plastered.

Go The Ark! Go Scooch! Go Verka for Ukraine (drag queen with a star on her head!)

Rock. Tuff the dog is now in love with me. It's official. He scratches at the bedroom door every morning going "Whimper! Whimper! Let me in to lick your face!"

Like, yeah.

:o)

Sunshine After The Rain

Well, actually, there hasn't been any rain. A bit of wind perhaps. But "Sunshine After The Wind" sounds a bit dodgy, tbh.

OK, it's Saturday, no school today, so whatcha gonna do?

Well, I thought I might just ramble on a bit on here...

It feels like I never left. Really! Like, as if the whole Sept-May thing in LDN didn't actually happen! V strange. Ulla's cooking is as amazing as it ever was, Ulla and I are both talking the hind legs off a troupe of donkeys, though she is now chatting more in Swedish, which I like (mostly).

The totally strangest thing (and this REALLY IS weird) is that my Swedish is like, 10x better than before! But I haven't actually used it for 7 months! Really mad. Maybe it's doing the hypnotherapy and calming down about it not being absolutely perfect. Me and Queen Pauline both have this sort of "we MUST be perfect at languages before we are considered worthy as people" thing. Him in Dutch, me in French. It is a bit self-defeating when used on a language you are not word-perfect in though.

We have a new flatmate. He is called Daniel and is from Dresden. I was speaking to him this morning and he said "Oh! Do you know it?" and I sort of went "erm". What was I to say? "Oh yeah, we dropped shitloads of bombs on your town." I could have gone for the pottery line, I suppose. They do HAVE pottery in Dresden, don't they?

Anyway Daniel is nice, but pretty disillusioned about Sweden. I think he's going to go back to Germany.

Right, we have also become obsessed by Spiderman. Samuel (Ulla's youngest, 15) downloaded the first 2 Spiderman flicks since he wanted to go and see Spiderman 3 last night, and wanted the background, ja? So on Thurs night, when I really should have been working, ended up watching Spiderman 1+2 back-to-back with Ulla and Samuel, and of course Tuf the dog. They were dead good actually.

However, having now seen Spiderman 3, I can confirm that it is crap compared to the first two. The plot is half-baked and leaves loose ends all over the shop. We don't heart. But it was ok.

I was going to go out to Connections last night, but was a bit scared to, to be honest. I'm not so into this 'going out on one's own' lark since I have spent the past few months nestling in the safe cocoon of lesbianism. I will however go to Lino tonight, if only to dance to Sanna Nielsen's "Vågar du, vågar jag" which is this year's best song so far.

Obviously, the chance to eye up lots of Swedish boy-totty is not to be sniffed at either.

Getting to Stockholm itself was hectic. I went out with the Pinkies en masse on Tues to see Anthony Pinkie's band, "Paleday". They were good. I know all their songs now too. But I do think a keychange or five wouldn't go amiss. I mean if it's good enough for Sanna Nielsen...

Ended up in Molly Moggs gaybar for a fleeting second, then at G-A-Y Late where they let us in this time. Got far too drunk considering I was leaving the country the next day and hadn't packed...

It's so surreal to be back. But good. I've been working totally like a mentalcase as well, and today is the first day I can calm the fucque down.

SO I shall go and have a shower then maybe take Tuf out for a bit and then go into town and see what is up in Stockholm, the most beautiful city ever.

And be excited about the strong possibility of going on hols to MONTREAL (AAAArgh! English and French!!!!) in August.

After Stockholm, Helsinki, Paris, Toulouse and London.

I'm a travel ho! Fly me! xx

OH MY GOD!

Shoes! No, actually, this is v quick to say - I have come back to Stockholm!

And when I saw Gamla Stan from the bus tonight, do you know what my first thought was (to my horror to an extent, I must say)?

"I'm HOME!"

Make of that what you will. I'm totally shattered and going to bed.

In Nacka! Right after I finish listening to "I Want Your Sex"

Sex is natural, sex is good
Not everybody does it, but everybody should!